3/7/2011 7:03
fuck fuck fuck just screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
i have lost, and now that its gone let me be with out and find some thing that was never there before. self just my hand held out ,as too hold hers but she was never there just my imagantion of someone that could last a life time. someone like me not from here. so unfair i am kind i am honest i am truthfull. i give until i have nothing left then i keep giving. i feel even thoe my heart has been ripped from my chest. fuck why.
10/30/2010 6:28
fuck fuck fuck just screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
i have lost, and now that its gone let me be with out and find some thing that was never there before. self just my hand held out ,as too hold hers but she was never there just my imagantion of someone that could last a life time. someone like me not from here. so unfair i am kind i am honest i am truthfull. i give until i have nothing left then i keep giving. i feel even thoe my heart has been ripped from my chest. fuck why.
10/30/2010 6:28
and nothing in it. all things surround me as i see a a life go by. A dream a future passed in front of me. a life never ment for me. as it all goes away nothing is in my hands just memories like grains of sand sliping away day after day we continue changeling our greatness dreaming so lost now.. in my dreams now.. excape
"solace find me"
"solace find me"
10/19/2010 11:49
on the precipice of greatness and destruction is ware i belong..it suits me... contentment only seems to make me feel out of place. In this life the the paths i chose for ever define me. but i trip and stumble, does this rock in the road define me? No it is my perception of this rock that defines its importance to me.
09/23/2010 12:41
my invention's are great they are spectacular, but one of them that i have only hinted at. is my legacy it is in my name bulvi. its right in front of everyone and only i can see it. it will save an unfathomable number of lives. it will forever change the world as we know it. it will heal like no other medicine. my only wish is to share it before my time is done. and all the peace's are finally come together and the shear weight of my actions crush my reality as if to say.. is my life really real. can i do soo much? I dont want to think of it...not yet. focus on the path i can see laid before me. and find the strength to pull it off.
My dad would always tell me he was superman. being only 5 years old i believed him. When Halloween rolled around Whell naturally i wanted to be super man so my grandma aunt and mom made me a super man out fit. I put it on and told my mom I am super boy because my dad is super man. For some reson she said i wasn't. So i showed her i could fly i ran off the porch and flew perfect form into the ground!! LOLOLOL. I swore i could fly, I believed i could with all my hart because my dad told me soo. LOL and now i am a man and my father is getting older but i still see him as one of my heroes.
"the sun becomes the father and the father becomes the sun"
I haven't seen him in many years but sometimes when i feel the sunlight it reminds me of him.
01/04/2010 3:02am
Damn Realy.....I am angry at my self for leting me be soo alone. I know its not good for me.
I want to feel again, but i need to be able to contrast " witch i think i can do very well". Just thinking about this girl she's on then off on then off i dont know. This is the time right now that it realy hurts in the middle of the night. When your either with someone or not........wtf i must be taking this all to seriously. Maybe becouse i realy iam not looking to just fuck around. I realy just what an awesome chick. LOL i want to have a family thair i said it.
01/03/2010
A friend of mine was telling me to put my best face forward. To not show things that girls might not like when i first meet them. Sounds good but for me the problem lies in "she likes my front "
I front for a living and in my personal life i dont like to front at all. I belive even if its to my demise to be honest and forthright. I may loose to a good lie'r most of the time but thats ok.
this is by far the longest time i have went without a girl friend..... 6 months no sex no one night stands. wow one thing to say a whole world of difference to do.
I had a good looking girl try and drag me home one night after going K-hut,"karaoke bar" she was so taken by my singing i think. lol although my friends negotiated with her friends about how i was going to her house. i dident want to go, I am tried of settling for less. I like what i like and ill wait for it. I havent ever done that in my life before just went for the pretist girl i could get with reguardless personality. LOLOL my friends would always make fun of me becouse some would be down right insane. LOLOLOL Omg thay were crazy, but no boday could say thay weren't hot. Now I dont care about looks so much, its that spark iam looking for. Someone i can laugh with.
Side note my 3 things "love laugh and dream" MY x utterly crushed my dreams so i will never be with another controlling girl agian. She never said nice things to me, I guess thats what hurt most. i dont need it ok like it all the time but not at all fucking hurts.
I want to be accepted and loved for the man that i am, not what i could be or who i might be someday.
10/20/2009
I was talking to my friend to day and he hep me realize , i couldn't find someone special because i never stop to take the time to pick the right one, in my life its always been girl after girl.
I am thankful to be able to take a step back and just be me. i forgot who i was.. Nice to be able to give the respect to my next girlfriend that she deserves.
I can tell her that i waited for someone that i thought IS special. And have self respect to know that i can be faithful, becouse not just good looks can turn me on. Its crazy to admit it, but its a vary real part of me.
I want a badass woman not just looks but hart and soul and passion and i will not settle for less.
I would rather be alone....if i can't have it all Than f**k it. Because that's what i have to offer. I finally after all this time. I respect me enof to know that i am worth more.
I'am worth more than a cheater
I'am worth more than a lair
I'am worth more than a fake
i am not scorned i am just a badass loven machine LOL
Aah and for the record had a myspace girl callme up and ask? are u as emotional
as your profile says?
LOLOLOL wellll what you think i told her. HAH
HELL yah biacth i am rick james.!!
actualy i dident i said nah aint like that.
because on the phone and if u meet me i an't gona talk about this no way. I dont need to front when i am typing, i am who i am dont like it GO **** someone else and think about me. hahaha
ok i am crazy little bit.
08/23/09
I hope that i can find a girl that's supportive,
i am single
and don't date much, just been focused on money really,
i want to be a good provider.
I have noticed that all my time and energy go from my carrier to a girl vary fast. LOL
I am looking for a girl that's on point. say what you mean, mean what you say, speak from the hart. because i do. Life is meant to be loved. I am a one woman guy but i am hesitant about girls right now. just need to say the path. then i am good BUT it sure would be nice to have someone to hold at night.
I hope to be working with my friend running a property management CO. Soon
ANYwayZ i have allot of good friends, i conceder myself lucky in that seance. often go out, hang out wat ever.
I don't have any kids because i can't afford them right now.
but would love to have some when i can support a family "soon i hope".
A letter to yuri
only for today i leave this here i havent ever realy talked about her to anyone, but i will today her name was yuriko ishikawa.. She loved me with all her hart and i loved her... I let other poeple infulence me and my thoughts so many poeple hated on our love, so many people tried to rip us apart, and i let them and its my fault...... She couldent speak much english and i spoke alot most no japanese , but we were together for a year and a half. we got by on the simplest things holding hands, smiling, holding each other, making love. we dident need to talk, all you really need is to feel... it hurts sooo bad because the last thing i ever said to her was i love you.... i never said i was leaving, i never told her it was over... i couldent.... her mother called me from japan some about a month later crying trying to tell me in her best english that she had tried to kill her self 3 times, and that she needs me....... I changed my number......... i listined to my friends , i have to live with what i have done....... Im alone now by choice but ill play her favorite song and think about the times when i loved with all my hart............... im sorrie yuri your gone now but i'll listen to my hart now i promise
